| funny joke and soooo true |
[23 Feb 2006|01:49pm] |
The Raise...
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Yours truly,
Penis
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Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts before you have completed the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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| How American and our soldiers are doing and the real goal of Al Qaida! |
[31 Dec 2005|05:07pm] |
This is from the inside of the military. This is true and not a bunch of bull shit from the news. Please read and understand what is going on, and be educated by the truth instead of the bull shit from the news. This is straight from the mouth of a Major General in the US ARMY (three star general)
A short summary of General Abizaid's comments, from contemporaneous notes:
He is amazed as he goes around the country and testifies before the Congress
how many of our countrymen do not know or understand what we are doing or how
we are doing. There are very few members of Congress who have ever worn the
uniform (of our armed forces). He said that the questions he gets from some
in Congress convince him that they have the idea that we are about to pushed
out of Iraq and Afghanistan. There is no relation between this and the
reality on the ground.
As he goes around the region and talks to troops and junior officer he is
very impressed by their morale and their achievements. They are confident
that they are capable of defeating the enemy. You will never see a headline
in this country about a school opening or a power station being built and
coming on line, or a community doing well. Only the negative things will get
coverage in the media. He told the mid-grade/senior officers to go to their
local Lions Clubs when they go home and tell the people what they are doing.
If they don't get the word out, the American people will not know what is
really happening. The insurgency is in four of 18 provinces in Iraq, not all
18. You do not hear about the 14 provinces where there is no insurgency and
where things are going well. The insurgency in Afghanistan is primarily in
Kandahar province (home of the Taliban) and in the mountain region on the
Pakistani border. The rest of the country is doing well.
Iraq now has over 200,000 soldiers/police under arms and growing. They are
starting to eclipse the US/coalition forces. Their casualty rate is more
than double that of the US. There are more than 70,000 soldiers under the
moderate government in Afghanistan and growing. He predicted that the
insurgencies in the four Sunni provinces in northern/central Iraq and in
Southwestern Afghanistan will be there for the foreseeable future, but they
will be stabilized and become small enough so the moderate governments will
be able to keep them under control.
2006 will be a transition year in Iraq and that will see the Iraqi forces
take much more of the mission from the US forces. This is necessary to bring
stability to Iraq. We need to be fewer in numbers and less in the midst of
the people for the moderate Iraqi government to succeed. Our primary enemy
is not the insurgency in Iraq and Afghanistan. It is Al Qaida and their
ideology. We are at a period now that is similar to the 1920s where
Communism and Nazism had not taken hold in Russia and Germany. The ideology
of Al Qaida is out there and it has not taken hold in any country in the
Middle East. We need to make sure that it does not and we are doing that,
but it will be a long problem with a long commitment.
He said that we are focused on the things that we (Americans) have done
wrong, like Abu Ghraib, and not talking about this enemy. We need to talk
about this enemy. Al Qaida is all over the world. Their goal is to get the
US out of the region and come to power in the Islamic countries of the
region. From there their goal is to establish a Caliphate (under a single
Islamic ruler) that goes from the Atlantic in North Africa to Indonesia in
the Pacific. Fifty years after this happens their goal is to rule the rest
of the world. Since Desert Storm in 1991 US forces have not lost any combat
engagement in the region at the platoon level or above. Al Qaida has no
beliefs that they can defeat us militarily. They see our center of gravity
as being the will of the American People. That is influenced by the media
and they are playing to that. They don't need to win any battles. Their
plan is keep the casualties in front of the American people in the media for
long enough that we becom
If you look at the geography (of Al Qaida) there is no place to put a
military solution. They are networked and they are all over the world. They
are a virtual organization connected by the internet. They use it to
proselytize, recruit, raise money, educate and organize. They have many
pieces that we must focus on: the propaganda battle in the media, safe
houses, front companies, sympathetic members of legitimate governments, human
capital, fighters and leaders, technical expertise, weapons suppliers
ideologically sympathetic non-government organizations (charities),
financers, smugglers, and facilitators. A lot of their money comes from
drugs.
We are winning but we have got to maintain constant pressure over time with
the international community and across the US government agencies. No one is
afraid that we can't defeat the enemy. Our troops have the confidence, the
courage, and the competence. We need the will of the American people to be
sustained for the long haul.
This email has been sent to you by Mr. Ward Ward, the Chief Editor of S1 NET.
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| I have no life |
[17 Sep 2005|02:20am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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none cuz everyone is past out |
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HA, so I don't really update this much anymore, but hell I try it again. I bought a Hookah,mmmmm hookah, and it finally came in tuesday and I've been smoking it since! Tonight drank some beer with travis brooks and smoked the hookah all night long with jen and diana. I've been reading my old entries, and I would just like to say they're fucking hilarious. I think everyone should do it just because it's funny to look back and see what you wrote and realize how stupid and gay and dramatic you are back then. Then think to yourself... how can i help my kids so they don't sound like a bitch like I did. Some of the stuff in my earlier journal entries are just ridiculous and I'm embarassed/ashamed of them. Ha our lounge couch/multiple chair thing is up on its side with all the cusions thrown everywhere. It looks like a tornado hit hammond tonight. there are flowers everywhere and dirt and just it's a mess. we'll probably end up getting finded but i really don't give a shit. Also, read comments from earlier entries they're hilarious!
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| I'm tired of 15 yo's trying to fuck with me when they don't even have a tenth of the vocabulary i do |
[07 Aug 2005|04:26am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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Mudvayne - Happy |
] |
the Idiot Savant
(26% dark, 73% spontaneous, 66% vulgar)
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your humor style:
VULGAR
| SPONTANEOUS
| LIGHT
You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.
Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel
AND FINALLY -- after you rate my test with a sweet, sweet '5' -- you must take this test next
: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Test
. It's not mine, but it rocks.
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender
:
|
You scored higher than 0%
on dark
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You scored higher than 94%
on spontaneous
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You scored higher than 84%
on vulgar
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Advanced
You scored 85% Beginner, 92% Intermediate, 80% Advanced, and 73% Expert! |
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional
score. Remember, these are commonly confused
English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender
:
|
You scored higher than 16%
on Beginner
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You scored higher than 30%
on Intermediate
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You scored higher than 12%
on Advanced
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You scored higher than 58%
on Expert
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| balh balhablblaheoijaopi |
[10 Jun 2005|05:34am] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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Hidden in Plain View - Garden Statement |
] |
Well I just thought I'd let everyone know I'm drunk again!!! I can't remember the last night i didn't drink atleast one beer... does this mean I'm an alcoholic now... HELL FUCKING NO!!!!! all it means is i enjoy getting drunk!!! It'd be different if i was a mean dumbass piece of shit drunk, but i'm not. I just love drinking. All i Have to say is let me drown so i can breathe again That's one of my favorite lines from the song i'm listening to right now that and so long & goodnight. Do you think I should get that tattooed on me. I wanna get so long and goodnight on me somewhere i don't know why but it seemed like a good idea at one point of time. I really need to stop drinking or atleast cut down at college I got a 2.1 GPA and i was drunk all the fucking time!!! now i need to take calc at PSUA fucking piece of shit school! Will someone leave a single comment this time cuz if not i don't think i'll ever update this thing ever again! By the way i'll never let them hurt you (them as in vampires!) Take this spike and drive it through my fucking heart what if they get me and the sun goes down i'm a goner take the fucking spike and drive it through my heart cuz i'll never let them hurt you never I promise get me to the doctor and get me to the church and someone get the fucking nurse so i can fuck her and we're driving in this hearse with a bunch of fucking corpses and you must keep this like a secret in your throat fucking kill yourself before the sun comes up take the spike and shove it through my fucking heart dammit! the night is coming and that's the final stage for this someone get me to the doctor and someone call the nurse and someone buy me roses and someone burn the church we're hanging out with corpses and driving in this herase TAKE THE FUCKING SPIKE AND KILL ME ALREADY YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER IT'S NOT ME ANYMORE I'M GONE !! I'M FUCKING GONE KILL ME ALREADY TAKE THE FUCKING SPIKE AND DRIVE IT THROUGH ME DO IT DO IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE THEY GET YOU I PROMISED THEY WOULDN'T HURT YOU FUCKING DO IT KILL ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PUSSY KILL ME ALREADY DO THE FUCKING DIRTY DEED DOOOOO ITT!
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| wow where did the year go |
[27 Apr 2005|05:53pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
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music |
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Metallica - The Memory Remains (LIVE from S&M!) |
] |
Wow, I seriously can't believe I've actually gone through high school this quickly. The next class is about to graduate and go off to college. It doesn't even feel like I've done that much, but in reality, I guess, I've done a shit load. Just in the last year I've graduated college, graduated Pre-IET, made it through reception without going nuts, graduated Basic/BCT, graduated AIT/OJT, and I've fucking started college. This is effing crazy! The AAHS Music department is heading back to Myrtle Beach since the last time when i was there which was 3 years ago. What fun we had. The Phez, Dixie Stampede, all the parents getting in trouble for sneaking into the pool after it was close and having the satisfaction of catching them with my eyes then shining my laser pointer on the security guard's face for being a dick head and actually kicking them out of the pool, and seeing the parents laugh and look up and see what room it was coming from, Beach Volleyball, HA all the girls what the fuck that's all i gotta say to that, and girls coming down while i was just in a towel and they had to run away from putting aloe on me cuz the PHEZ came out. Times like these make me want to listen to the Ataris. I'm fucking 19.. what the fuck? Shit's hitting the roof when i'm 20 cuz i'm not longer a teenager, I no longer have an excuse to my behavior! I celebrated my b-day like usual, lots of alcohol and lots of partying! Thank god for Steve and for him coming up during last week he really helped me have a really good time. Ryan and krystal did too trust me on that it's just rough when you're away from all your friends. I have new friends lots of them, but i coud never forget my old friends especially all the shit we did like myrtle beach. Wow I roomed with John Josh and steve, that was a crazy 5 days. I read this somewhere but it's probably not exact but here it goes, You measure your friendships not by how much you grow together, but how much you can grow apart and still be friends! It's rough but I try to call everyone atleast once in awhile, even if i'm drunk... I just think it's funny when I call people I do it for their enjoyment. I haven't regretted anything in my life yet, and I'm not about that start! As far as I'm concerned I have one of the best lives in the world not because of money or material items, but because of Happiness and I think Aristotle would like me because of that. So for now Fucking get wasted and have a good time! LATER!
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| haha i know my ethics |
[29 Mar 2005|12:24pm] |
| You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life’s pleasures as much as you can.
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!”
More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
Justice (Fairness) | | 100% | Hedonism | | 100% | Existentialism | | 100% | Strong Egoism | | 90% | Utilitarianism | | 55% | Apathy | | 20% | Kantianism | | 20% | Nihilism | | 15% | Divine Command | | 0% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.02)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| hhhwhat/ |
[22 Mar 2005|01:12pm] |
To create your own quiz, click here
You scored as agnosticism.
You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof). Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.
agnosticism
100%
Satanism
96%
atheism
75%
Islam
46%
Paganism
42%
Judaism
29%
Christianity
29%
Hinduism
21%
Buddhism
21%
Rate Quiz
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| stolen from bill who stole it from ashley |
[20 Feb 2005|08:23pm] |
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be, if you want too.)
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| stole this from lj |
[03 Feb 2005|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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drunk |
] |
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music |
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Metalica - ONE |
] |
If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.
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| hahaha not again!! |
[01 Feb 2005|11:53pm] |
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You know what??? I'd was the kid that fucked your mom!! Yep you got me right I fucked your mom, and you know what else?? There's nothing you can do about AND she liked it!! Not only did she like it she loved it she fucking loved it! Yea that's right I fucked your mom, what are you gonna do. I made her moan like crazy, it was like she was dieing at some points crazy, and that's all I've got to say about that! OH!! and I still have scars from the nails in my back and blood stains on my sheets!
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| THIS ONE TIME |
[27 Jan 2005|05:37pm] |
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So this one time,I was like wow you're hott,and the girl was like I know!Who the fuck says that?Anyway,after she said I know I was like wow you're a bitch and a little conceded,and she's like yea so you are too!So I was like yea you're right wanna fuck?she said yea we ran to my dorm,had incredible hott ass sex like we were torturing each other fucking each other like crazy my back was bleeding everwhere and she was screaming and then she left and I haven't talked to her since...I forgot to get her name or number! Oh well it was great sex! She may have been the love of my life..., but fuck i'm gonna have scars on my back¡
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| UH Ali told me to |
[12 Jan 2005|12:56am] |
Ask me 4 questions.
Any 4 no matter how personal, private or random.
I have to answer them honestly. i have to answer them all.
In turn you post this message in your own journal and
you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
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| thanksgiving |
[25 Nov 2004|02:04am] |
Well, today is thanksgiving although early it is, it's still thanksgiving. Hhhmmm, i'm thankful i made it through basic, and i'm not a deutsch like some people turn out to be after basic... well no more of the deutch than before!! In 5 hours I shall be waking up to play football. (YEA!) I can't wait to eat dinner, cuz well come on what's better than thanksgiving dinner? I got to see people i haven't seen for over 4 months+. Saw Heather Schmidt, I hope i spelled that right, and well she's hott, of course, and she said she was interested in being a sex therapist...how fucking hott is that? What could be better? I could see a few if not many fun nights with that girl!! Speaking of that i was on her senior week, and that was an interesting and excellent experience! Nothing was better than...well i won't tell the story. If anyone knows me i should be a sex therapist or perhaps just have lots of sex. I'm well educated on it and i'm horny as hell so... She's just a cool girl, too bad i don't go to college with her! Saw Cricket and Kathleen for the first in awhile last night. I feel bad cuz i only got to see them for a few mins. but i'll see kathleen again this weekend and see cricket during christmas break, so that'll be cool! I can't wait to get out of my house cuz i hate living with my mom. If anyone wants to rent an apartment with me let me know, although i can't be there after january cuz i have to go to school, which i can't wait to attend. That's about it! I've been hanging with the homies and that's about it trying to stay busy! If anyone wants to do something, or any girls wanna go on a date ( like all my college girl crushes, miss nurny, heather, give me a call!!! 9370523 WINK WINK!! Well i'm gonna get some sleep so i can kill some people tomorrow...PEACE!
P.S. Yes i used deutsch and i know what it means i just don't give a shit!
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| 5 more months til my birthday |
[09 Nov 2004|01:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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fuck me |
] |
So i've been back for a little over a week now, and i've seen how the army has affected me a little. I was bored yesterday and thought my hair was "long" so i got beard trimmers out and shaved my head so now my hair is only 1 cm long instead of 2. I went to my second wing night since i've been home and the wings started off really kick ass then they gave us the shitty ass sauce and i forgot to call paul. Hooters was still fun as i got to make an ass of myself bill made it out and steve and mike and shit can't think of his name right now. He's moving to delaware though. Saw mackie strang yesterday and she's still looking good as she did when i saw her in my health class last year. Heard some interesting things that made me just say damn why didn't i know that when we were going over sex ed last year! anyway if she's reading this right now give me a call!! Wow i'm pathetic anymore, so anyway... Friday night i was at a party and playing cards with this hott chick i met that night, of course she had a b/f as does every other hott girl in the world. Anyway she ended up getting me drink a lot throughout the game and i ended up going home laying around for a half hour and then i threw up all through my bathroom and waited right before drill to clean it up the next morning. I cleaned the sink and flushed the toilet and my mom cleaned the wall the hamper and the towels i threw up on!! Oh well that's what i get for not drinking for 4 months and trying to keep up with my old self!! well i'm out going to iup tonight. That should be fun!!
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| HEY |
[05 Oct 2004|04:47pm] |
|
Well a lot of you probably haven't heard from me in awhile and that's because i was in basic training, if you didn't know. It was pretty much easy and most of the time fun. I'm at OJT ( on the job triaining), which is better than AIT, (Advance initial training or something like that), because i have permanent party status here and basically it's just like college. I wake up at 5:50 on days i work and go do PT which consists of running 2 miles (or walking a half mile) or ultimate frisbee! As you can see pretty easy and fun. Then i has til a quarter til 9 to eat breakfast and clean and shit so usually i have an hour and a half. Then i sit and watch the army band play until 11 or so. Then i got eat lunch for an hour and a half. Then i sit and play my trumpet from 1300 (1 PM) until 1630 (4:30 PM) Then i'm out on my own til 2200 (10) on nights i have to work the next day or 2400 (midnight) on nights i don't have work, but it doesn't matter because noone cares about us being up on the 3rd floor alone and noone ever checks on us so we could get back at 5 in the morning and be good! The point of this is it's pretty fun and i'm getting paid for you WOOOHOOO!!! Talk to you all when i get back which should be the day of Oct. 29th the last altoona home football game!! TAKE CARE!!!
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weird_nads's journal
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